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Devines Testimony
Leonard T. Testimony
Leslies Testimony
Merri's Testimony
Mark's Testimony
Paula's Testimony
Nicole's Testimony
Kim's Testimony
Robin's Testimony
Hannah's Testimony
Annette's Testimony
Warrior DevineNCompany Testimony:
Free N Living
By Devine Davis.
Some of you know who we are and some of you dont. We are devinencompany and are D.I.D. And are also a survivor of Satanic Ritual Abuse. We are over half saved inside. We were literally taken out of the hands of Satan and put in the arms of LOVE. We didnt know anything about Jesus at all, except that he was supposed to be the bad guy. We didnt know love at all either, as we came from hate and evil and rage and all the other things that come from satan. Nobody loved us or cared for us.
Now, over half of us are saved, and if it wasnt for the grace of God, this ministry, and Shane and Jodi, we would be dead today. We have come to know what love really is in the arms of Jesus. We pray to Jesus now, when we would always pray to satan. We know that Satan is the bad guy and his strongholds on us continue to come down. He has been defeated by the blood of the lamb. We had communion for the first time with Jesus when we would always have communion with Satan. We see the solution now, when we would always see only the problem. We see light now, when we were in such deep despair and darkness. We come from no love at all, to a world filled with laughter, joy, hugs, freedom, hope, and love from Jesus, Shane and Jodi. Jesus always comes first in our life. No matter what. He is breaking our chains one by one and setting us FREE in Him. FREEDOM never felt so good. It is so neat to be and feel loved for the first time in all of our lives, as there are over 200 insiders. We thank Jesus everyday for the love and mercy he has given us and for helping us find this ministry...Jesus' ministry.
Jodi and shane have helped us immensly thru the eyes and heart of LOVE. They run a safe house and help people like us to get FREE. They sure could use ya'alls help in anyway possible with donations of any size. We pray to Jesus all of the time to supply their every need, for helping ones like us is not cheap. Any donation will do and God will bless you immensly for your gifts. If you want to give anything, or if Jesus leads you to donate anything, please do. We are a product of what God has done thru Jodi and Shane.
Thank you Warriors for praying for us daily. They help and we know that Jesus hears them, because our freedom is coming fast. Thank you all for your love and support. Devinencompany
5-02-03
Warrior Leonard T. Testimony:
My Most Precious Moments
By Warrior Leonard T.
As I stepped out into the beautiful morning sun I couldn’t remember a more beautiful day. I went back into the house and picked up my golf clubs. I threw them into the trunk of the car and went down to the little church in Rockmart, Ga. I needed to speak with our visiting Evangelist for a moment and after that I headed for the golf course.
Oh, the day was so beautiful. I hit a good drive as I started the twelfth hole. I placed the club back into my bag and it was here, I first noticed the pain in my chest. I had felt this pain many times before and I thought I could play through it. As a rule it normally went away. I played on through the fifteenth and the pain became greater. I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish. All I wanted at that time was to find a place to set down. I made it back to the club house and plopped down on a park bench outside. That didn’t help either.
I put the clubs in the car and started home. I kept telling myself, if I could just get home and lay down I would be O K. That didn’t work. After lying on the couch fifteen minutes with heavy beads of sweat all over, I realized I was having another heart attack.
I dialed 911 and gave them the information ask for. I lived way out in the sticks and I knew it would be a good fifteen minutes before they could get there.
I called the church to let them know I wouldn’t be there that night and that I was waiting for an ambulance to take me to Redmond Park Hospital in Rome. The phone was answered by David Cutrea the Evangelist. My Pastor Bro. Stephens couldn’t be found at the time. I gave him the information of what was happening to me and hung up to wait for the ambulance.
When the EMT’S arrived they hurriedly got me into the ambulance and started the long twenty five mile journey to Rome. The blaring of the sirens from the ambulance made me feel like an idiot. I don’t know why, but I felt completely embarrassed. The technician who sat with me on the ride was constantly keeping checks on my vital signs. He administered the drugs needed to keep me stable through the trip.
As they wheeled me into the emergency room two nurses began working on me. One was getting I V’S setup while the other worked on vital signs. The story really gets interesting from this point. The one with the vital signs yelled Doctor, there’s something wrong. This man has a double pulse. (Although this happened ten years ago, I have yet to find any explanation as to what was meant by the double pulse.) The Doctor yelled back, this man should be dead. There was such a frenzied rush and this went on for over fifteen minutes when another nurse came in and told the Doctor there were two brothers who wanted to come back and see me.
This really irritated the doctor for he yelled again, I don’t care how much family he’s got out there. NO!! They can’t come back here. I hadn’t called any of my family and didn’t know who could be out there. A few minutes later the Doctor left the room.
The two brothers saw the Doctor leave the room and they took advantage of it. Only then did I realize who the family was. It was my Pastor and the Evangelist from my church. Brother Stephens got on one side and Brother Cutrea on the other. Bro. Tompkins, my Pastor said. I know we aren’t supposed to be back here, but they will just have to throw us out for we are going to pray. And pray we did.
It was the most comfortable feeling to have these precious brothers praying on my behalf. I can’t imagine what I must’ve looked like for Bro. Stephens prayed these words. Death, in the Name of JESUS, I rebuke you. ( Even while I’m writing this, The presence of The Holy Ghost is all over me.) I truly know I should have been dead. But, from that time, I really started feeling good. My condition was stabilized and I was transferred to a room in CCU. This all happened on Friday afternoon and evening.
The next three nights I spent in CCU. I felt great. It was such a shame, I thought, why couldn’t I feel this good on the outside? On Monday afternoon I was rolled into the heart cath. Lab and I dreaded the process ahead. My Cardiologist Dr. Floyd got everything set up. And as the monitor over the table where I lay lit up, so did the faces of those around me. Dr, Floyd said, Mr. Tompkins, I don’t understand what I’m seeing. Do you see that white spot on the monitor, and he pointed to a spot about the size of a half dollar. I acknowledged what he was pointing to. Then he said, there isn’t any blood getting to your heart at all. It all stops right there at this spot. I didn’t say anything back to him, but started praying and thanking God that HE was in control.
A state of frantic spread among them and Dr. Floyd called for a certain size balloon. He didn’t mean for it to sound comical, but what he said next caused me to laugh. Hurry, he said. We’ve got to get this man’s veins unstopped. A man can’t live without blood getting to his heart. In the same type operation six months earlier I had gone through this. I knew when they inflated the balloon I was going to be in some excruciating pain. As they got the balloon to the desired place it was inflated. The monitor above the bed showed the balloon to be inflated. This would keep any blood or oxygen from passing that point and then the power to the operating room shut off.
Talk about a state of frantic, wow. There was running and yelling orders being given to get this _______ ________ power back on. Hurry!!! They tried, believe me. They really tried. The emergency generator did not kick in for the rest of the Hospital had power. Two and a half hours later power was restored to that room by long temporary drop cords.
A lone nurse came back into the room and started gathering the utensils. When I spoke to her, I said, I’m sure glad they got the power back on…. Needless to say, I frightened the daylights out of her. She must’ve jumped a foot off the floor. She said, You mean you’re still with us??? I assured her I was and the monitor still showed the balloon to be inflated. She ran quickly and got the rest of the crew and they came and deflated the balloon. When they removed everything Dr. Floyd patted my leg and said, Well, Mr. Tompkins you should be feeling a lot better now we’re all finished.
Only then did that excruciating pain begin. I said to Dr. Floyd. Why am I hurting so bad. When I should’ve been in outrageous pain, I was pain free. Now that I should be free of pain I was hurting beyond belief. He had a look on his face as though he alone had preformed a miracle operation, and he said. Ah it’s just some trash floating around it’ll settle down in a few minutes. I asked them to give me something to stop the pain and they gave me a 75mg shot of morphine. I was taken to the recovery room and the pain kept getting stronger. I asked again for something to knock me out, but was told they couldn’t give me anything else. They brought in extra Doctors and nurses. I asked this one nurse to go get the most poisonous vial of medicine she could find and inject me with it. I wanted out of this pain.
I looked across the room and standing all alone was a nurse whose uniform was sparkling white. There wasn’t a crease or a wrinkle anywhere. She had long flaming red hair and she came over to my bed. There were eleven other doctors and nurses in the room at the time. They were all gathered talking and discussing, but as this lone nurse came, everyone else left. She patted my left arm and at her touch, all the pain left. You need some rest, she said. She pushed the bed against the wall and told me to sleep. She said as she pulled a straight back chair up to the bed. I’m going to be right here all night. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I woke up several times through the night and she would pat my arm and say go back to sleep. I was amazed for she kept the vigil all through the night.
When I awakened the last time, she said, Oh I suppose it will be alright for you to stay awake, can I get you anything. I told her I sure would like to have some coffee, black with one sweet and low. I don’t remember her leaving the room. The next thing I remember is her pulling the table over to the bed and stirring the coffee. She propped me up enough to drink the coffee and we had a short conversation. Then she told me she had to check some records and she left the room. I didn’t want her to go, but I couldn’t ask her to stay. There was a deep sadness that engulfed me for I knew I would not see this person for a long time. She walked out to the nurses station looked at a chart and then left.
After this another nurse came into the room to check vital signs. I asked her as to who the nurse was who had just left. The question truly disturbed her and she looked at me as if to say, go ahead you idiot, make my day. Who! She said loudly. I described the nurse and she told me. I’m the only nurse on the floor and there hasn’t been anyone back here for the last two hours. You’ve been dreaming. Most people that come through the operation you just came through have bad dreams, but you had a good one.
I looked at the coffee cup I was still holding. I wanted to shout, but silently thanked God for all the precious care and the visitation.
To Donate to the Lord Jesus click Here.
Warrior Leonard T.
tompkinl@bellsouth.net
Feb,2002
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Warrior Leslie's Testimony
Jodie & Shane
Here is a testimony that I felt to send to you. It shows the greatness of God when all the odds were against me.
I was 13yrs old and had no problems with my ears for the last 5 years. One month I caught an ear infection that reocurred 4 times in a row. i had made 3 previous trips to my family doctor and on the fourth trip i asked the doctor to send me to an ear-nose and throat specialist has I have had a long history of ear problems ever since I was about 2 yrs old. The family doctor finally referred me to the local specialist who my mother had heard was really good with pediatric patients. During the first visit to the specialist and he had examined my ear, he looked at my mother and said "Leslie has a hole in her eardrum the size of a quarter. This will need to be repaired by surgery. He then proceeded to draw a diagram of what my eardrum looked like. He said the surgery was what would be considered to be a major ear surgery and there were some pretty negative odds. He said those odds were 80-20. Which meant I had 80% chance coming out of surgery completely deaf in my right ear and 20% chance that the surgery would be a success and would regain my hearing in my right ear. Once he had given me the odds it had terrified me, but I prayed silently in my heart to God as to what I should do. My mother was leaving the decision of whether to have surgery or not completely up to me because it was my body she said. I looked at the doctor and said well I guess we will never know unless we try. I knew in my heart that i had someone far more powerful than the specialist on my side. My mother signed the consent form for me to have surgery and the date was booked fornot even two months later. I was the only member attending church at that time and had asked all my friends to pray that God would turn the odds of the surgery to be in my favor. I had to check into the hospital the day before surgery which just happened to be a sunday. I was really nervous and was continually praying that everything would work out to God's glory. Well I thought I would have surgery early the next morning and I prayed before going to sleep once again that everything would be alright and asked God to keep his hand on the specialist tomorrow. Well the next morning I found out that my surgery time was scheduled for 1pm and my mother was not going to be able to come up to the hospital until that evening. The morning stretched on endless as I prayed over and over for God to give me the courage I needed right then. Finally the OR staff came up to get me and i was off for the surgery.
The entire surgery lasted about 1 1/2 hours in length. I saw the specialist once I had been taken back up to my room as he wanted me to stay the night again to make sure I was alright. I had a follow up appointment 1 week after the surgery. i asked the doctor how long it would be before we would know which way the odds had turned. The doctor replied well it could be another 4-6 weeks before we know anything. i continued to have everyone pray that the odds had turned in my favor. At the 4 week follow up visit, i had a hearing test conducted by the doctors request. And it appear in the results of the hearing test they did in the office that the odds had definately turned in my favor. I had gained a complete 80% of my hearing back in my right ear. The doctor said to me that this is the quickest he has ever seen a patient regain 80% hearing back following a surgery. I simply smiled and said to the specialist It helps when you have a Geat physician. The specialist knew I was not talking about him but was talking about God.
I Give God all the Praise and Glory for bringing me through this and giving me 80% of my hearing back.
To Donate to the Lord Jesus click Here.
Love Warrior Leslie
Feb 2002
This is my written testimony up until my deliverance in 1990.
Merry
Jesus has been in my life since I was a little girl. I used to go to Sunday school and hear about Him, and I remember loving Him with all my heart, although I didn't really know Him. I was because of severe abuse, a mentally ill child, withdrawn into my own private world. I was an elective mute for about 5 years, refusing to speak. During my teen years I was quite ill mentally and barely made it through high school. After school, I took off for a large city; I was running as fast as I could away from home.
My intentions were to get a job and find a boyfriend and get married, but I was too unstable to manage any of it. I worked but was unable to keep a job. Ended up not being able to pay rent on my room, so decided to live on the streets. Once I had no room, life just plunged downhill into a dark pit. So there I was, a young woman, belonged to the Lord, but sleeping wherever I could find a safe spot, and wandering the streets looking for food, and for hope.
One day I met on the street some people who were playing guitars and singing about Jesus. I ran over to them excitedly. They were singing about My Jesus! They invited me to their place, a commune. When I pressed them about what they believed about Jesus, they wouldn't answer me. I asked if they had any literature about their beliefs, they said no. But they were good to me, and so I stayed with them for a while. Then they began to speak to me of moving far away, to another large city in another province about 1500 miles away.
They began to speak of their leader, and of how I could help support Gods work if I would move with them and they would make sure I had a good job. This was good news for me. I had always wanted to do Gods work, whatever that was. Now they would help me to do that. I didn't know that there were cults who preyed on young women. I didn't know they weren't talking about My Jesus, but another. One day when I was in front of the bus station begging, I saw a man giving out tracts, I went over to him, asked him some questions and found out he was from another commune, but the same religious group as the one I was involved in. He didn't know me, didn't know that at my group they were carefully keeping all the literature away from me. He handed me a tract. That tract opened up my eyes. They weren't talking about My Jesus, the One who had revealed Himself to me as a little girl, and the One I loved. At the back of the tract was the group name, Children of God. I never went back to them.
Much of my homeless time was spent drinking heavily, wandering the streets and riding the subway around for something to do. On Sundays I learned to follow Christians out of church service around noon, as they would always go into the nearby restaurants. I would go in and stand by their table until I was thrown out or given food. One day I followed 3 ladies and stood silently by their table when they made room for me and invited me to sit with them, and they bought me a meal. They let me actually eat with them. I will never forget that day.
Being homeless, I would forget to take off my shoes so my feet could rest, they would blister and sweat and I got infections. Socks wore out and so would go barefoot in any old sneakers I could find in garbage cans or in bins behind stores. Sometimes i had to tie the shoes on with string. One day a man in a business suit took me into a shoe store and bought me brand new good quality leather shoes, and new socks. I didn't say a word, no "thank you", it didn't occur to me to say that, but I was grateful, so grateful.
Men were a big problem, I had no protective skills at all, and was abused by them over and over, and was violently raped and continually pursued by a pimp. A Christian street worker began trying to help me, he invited me to a youth meeting at his church and I went. It's a long story, but this Christian man eventually rescued me off the streets and out of the clutches of this criminal. The Christian man took me to his mother's house where I stayed until a family took me into their home. I was pregnant and sick and very thin. I will never forget my first bath there, and then climbing into a bed with clean sheets. I stared up at the ceiling and thought of God and His love.
When I was rescued off the streets, and was in a nice home with people who spoke kindly to me, that was the most wonderful day of my life, till then. First the lady thought I might be hungry, so she asked me what I wanted to eat. When she opened the fridge it was full to overflowing, I had never seen a fridge full like that. She cooked me a meal, I ate it, and it was delicious. When I was done eating, I heard her calling me. She emerged from the bathroom and said, "your bath is ready sweetie"...I could hear water running. In my mind I thought, "a bath??? EEEEWWWWWW" I stuck my head inside the bathroom and there it was, bubble bath up to the top almost. I thought, "I'm not getting in THAT!" But I had told the Lord I would be good and not give this lady any trouble. So I got in the tub. The lady pointed out the shampoo to me as if she knew it hadn't occurred to me I had to wash my hair also. Well, when I got out there was a clean nightie and then I was put to bed in a beautiful bedroom, it was so nice. That was my first day off the street.
A Christian family took me into their home not long after, where I stayed until my baby was born. It was a happy time for me. They encouraged me to keep the baby, although I had planned to let someone adopt her. I have often wished they had stayed out of it and let me go through with my plans. However maybe God had His way, I am not sure. So I had a baby girl and kept her. Then I was told I had to leave now. They had no idea what was ahead for my child and me. I had no life skills, certainly no ability to care for a baby, but I went ahead and did it. At first when the baby cried a lot and I didn't get any sleep, I would want to beat her up or throw her out the window. At those times of anger I would call on Jesus for help, and somehow He would always come and ease my anger and help me care properly for the baby. I understand completely how some mothers lose it and hurt their children. But I had the Lord to help me. So many times my baby was at great risk of harm, only God and I know how much. I have forgiven myself, because God has forgiven me. But I never harmed her physically, thanks to the Lord. She did suffer however from neglect, and I also treated her not as a child, but as an adult.
It was role reversal, she was the adult, I was the child. For instance, I would tell her, at age 7, how much money we had for the month for food, and what should we buy with it, and she would sit and figure out how much this cost and that, and then she would tell me what to buy. I had no idea what I was doing was so harmful to her, that she was robbed of her childhood, that she was forced to carry adult burdens at an early age. When she was a year old I went to work. It was hell. I didn't earn enough to keep us. Everything went to pay babysitting, and I was tired all the time. But somehow we survived. Eventually I began to fall into bad relationships, not with men, I hated men and avoided them, but with women who were abusive to me and controlled me a lot. But I didn't know how to live, I felt like I didn't know how to manage life and I needed others to tell me what to do, and I found lots of people willing to tell me what to do all the time, but not anyone who cared for me or was willing to help me.
Church was a place I seldom went. Whenever I did go, I was rejected and ignored. But I raised my child working full time until she was 18. We were in terrible poverty all the time. She never had birthday gifts or summer camp or new school clothes. It was hard. My family rejected her; we were a shame to the family. When she was a teenager she worked at horse farms to earn extra money for herself. She did well in school and graduated with good marks. Now she is married with 2 little boys, and is in university studying hard. I am very proud of her. While raising my child I managed to stay relatively stable emotionally. I wasn't normal or free, but I was coping. All the pain of my past was stuffed somewhere inside, locked away. I made vows never to remember those horrible things, but shame covered me like a blanket and ruled everything I said and did. After my daughter left home and married and began having babies, I began falling apart. I lost my job, but was in such terrible shape I was unable to find another job or to work. Could no longer pay rent and began living with various friends here and there, finally ended up alone in a small room where I went into a breakdown.
At times I would lie on the floor unable to move for hours and would cry in such despair until I couldn't cry any more, and then I would moan. For 6 months I never slept more than an hour at a time, many times going for days with no sleep at all. Bedtime I had to go through this ritual. I would take the sheets and blankets off the bed and shake everything and remake the bed, tucking everything in tight and then crawling in. All this was to make sure there were no spiders in my bed, but it was to no avail. As soon as I was in bed they would begin crawling on me, under the blankets, or on top of the blankets, or dropping on my head from the ceiling. I would scream and try to kill them but they couldn't be killed, they weren't real. I didn't dare go to the doctor with this. I would have been put in hospital and I was afraid of that. When I did fall asleep I had nightmares.
When I was awake invisible things tormented me often. Grabbed by hands and shaken. Knocked off chairs to the floor. Pushed up against the wall and held there for hours, or poked somewhere on my body by an invisible finger, in the same spot, for days on end until I would run around my room screaming. It was torture beyond description. Actually these attacks had always been occurring during my life, but only occasionally. My daughter was attacked during her childhood. But this was an increase in the attacks. I had been going to church and given my life to God again. I don't know how many times I got saved and baptized. But it didn't make any difference to my life or to these attacks. I didn't really know Jesus very much. I knew about Him, but I didn't know Him personally.
Well, finally this got so bad that I just began crying out to God to do something. I was dying. I knew they would kill me. So anyway I began crying out to God, "If You don't do something, I am going to die like this". That was my prayer. I prayed it over and over. And God brought a young woman into my life from the USA. She was only 25 but walked in an anointing I had never seen. I had already been to all the pastors I knew in my city and they had not known what to do. This lady knew what to do. She came to my place one day with another Christian lady and she explained deliverance to me. Then she cast those things out of me. It took 3 hours. When they finally came out of me, there was a horrible smell that filled the room. The ladies backed off almost gagging. Demons stink. Hell probably stinks like that. I know I am being blunt here, but this is exactly what happened to me. They prayed for me to receive the Holy Spirit and I did, and received the gift of tongues. For 3 days I was deliriously happy, sooooo in love with Jesus. He was real! He was in my life, and He loved me! Then they returned. But the lady had told me what to do. She had given me a praise tape that I played over and over. And so when they returned, I was playing my tape and singing to the Lord. I said to them, "Well stay if you want but I am not gonna stop praising Jesus." I probably should have told them to leave, but anyway, they hung around for 3 days and I just kept praising Jesus the whole time. When I laid down in bed they tried to attack me but I just got back up and sang to Jesus some more. Finally they left and haven't been back. There is a lot here I am having to leave out, about the attacks and my deliverance. But this is enough that you have an idea what Jesus did for me. Thank you Jesus for freeing me.
The next Friday evening, I went to the youth services in the church I had been to once before, run by the street worker. Afterwards, when I was about to leave, I saw my ex-boyfriend in the church foyer. He approached me and told me to come with him. As I was about to leave with him, the street worker spotted us, and came to stop us. I could see his car in the parking lot, and several other men in that car. I knew I would be punished by him for my disobedience, for running away, and I didn’t want to go with him, but my early childhood training to obey was strong. My father had taught me that, when I didn’t obey I was punished, but if I ran and he had to catch me, then the punishment was far greater than if I walked obediently towards him to get my beating. So this was going through my mind, better to just go with him, obey him now, take my punishment, because he is stronger than I am and I cannot escape him. Maybe he will not hurt me too much.
But as I hesitated, the street worker who had reached us by then ordered me to get back into the church. So there, I had another order to obey, and that released me from having to get into that car. I went into the church and sat down and waited for the next order to obey.
The next thing I knew, the street worker and several other young men from the church were hustling me quickly out a side door to the church manse next door. I was put in the back seat of a car and covered with a blanket, and the men all piled in the car and began to drive me home. But the pimp had seen us leave and their car began following us. So we had to drive around the city until we lost them. That night as I was finally taken back to my new home with the christian family, I felt afraid, and kept looking out the window into the dark streets to see if they had found out where I was now living. But I never saw them again.
I was very much like a child with no protective skills, and if it were not for God sending this man into my life, a man who dedicated his life to helping street kids, I would have gone back to the pimp and most likely a short horror-filled life.
To Donate to the Lord Jesus click Here.
Warrior Merry
Warrior Marks Testimony...
My testimony is still in progress as near as I can tell but I can share the most profound of experiences with you. In short I am a recovering alcoholic who came to Christ about 6 years ago. I struggled with drinking through much of my first years as a believer and could not shake it completely. It finaly reached a point where it was ruling me and I was desperate to be free of it as well as a tobacco addiction. I was very hungover one morning when a pastor friend of mine came over to pray with me. That morning I was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke in tounges and wept for nearly an hour. After that morning I felt completely free from both alcohol and tobacco. Not one single craving, Praise God! Sounds like the end of a great testimony, but it's really the begining. I stayed free for about 1 year and in my own sinful nature walked back of my own accord to the very things I was freed from earlier. Needless to say my alcoholism got worse and my life and loved ones suffered for it greatly.
I had thought I reached a point of desperation before, but this was worse. The only way I can describe the feeling was a complete emptiness, spiritualy, physicaly, mentaly, and emotionaly. I felt totaly without God, not because he had left me but because I had walked away from him. That is when I realized the thing I had needed to understand all along. I had always been of the mind that Jesus would never dirty himself and stoop down to my level to stand with me, to heal me and lift me up. Especially not after I had walked deliberately in the other direction after being freed in such a way. But I was wrong and during that period of my life was when I truly dicovered God's grace and how much He cares for me. I don't remember the exact date but I remember at once getting on my knees and asking His forgiveness and pleading with Him to re-enter my life and heal me.
Let me tell you that He does step down into the muck and mire and stand with you. He does soil himself to recieve you, He will get His hands dirty to get you to higher ground. I felt His spirit this instant I asked for it and His covering was there instantly over me like a warm blanket. He had been with me through it all and was waiting for me to figure that out and turn around to see Him there right where I had walked from Him. I am sober two years and a few months today and my testimony of His grace and Love for me continues even now. His grace is sufficient for anyone, anytime , in anyway, and His strength was made both apparent and perfect in my weakness.
Thank you for asking me to share, bless you!
To Donate to the Lord Jesus click Here.
Mark
Warrior Paula:
Like I have a camera and you want a mug shot. Life has never been the same since I got snagged by the long arm of the Lord. Jesus caught me at age 10 only as savior never Lord for He was never talked about let alone see His lifestyle portrayed in our family. Since I took Him on 20+ years ago as Lord life had never been the same. But the glitch in this that I have not chased after like I should in all the years I have tried to serve Him. I did not attempt to chase Him till 1998.
Then I moved out with my son and it went to hell in a handbasket. I have since then been run over by a truck and as I think on it I nearly ROFLOL. After being run down walking home from the south side of Ft. Worth to the north side of same town wearing black on 820. Mind you I chose to walk with my son instead of calling my brother to come get us. We were maybe three miles from out apartment when a small S-10 came over the hill and down the ramp to get onto 820 he was surprised to see me on the side of the road that instead of swinging out and away from me he swung into me. I do not recall getting hit.
My mind was on seeing self on the couch in the apartment and relaxing. I recall being put into the ambulance and going out again. I was aware of being drug onto the ER table in the last room on the right of ER. One dr. asked if I remembered the accident, I stated I only heard the squealing tires. Later another dr. came in and he asked how I felt and told him that I was blessed going out and blessed coming in. Imagine his consternation at that remark.
She has totally lost it and totally concussed. They cleaned my face with normal saline so that they could see where to stitch me up Boy was it cold and running down through my nose to almost gag me. They stitched my forehead, l believe the right side of my nose and the left side of my upper lip. The needle they used was thinner than a sewing needle. The forehead took it well.
As they progressed downward I had to hold my hands and groan fairly loud. That is when son and brother made haste to leave. My sister-in-law came. They said my eyes were swollen almost shut. Then to make matters worse I had to transfer from the trolley they put me on gently onto x-ray table. They asked me to help and the good old cliche came to my rescue I hurt.
The only place that hurt was the pelvic area. When they told me I was going to have x-rays I mumbled that I would not have any broken bones. Guess what I survived. No broken bones or internal injuries. Yahoo!! They said I had a concussion and I would have gladly told the dr. I was born with a concussion what is your excuse. I went home going in and out as I had been al night. We took two stops and Randy asked if I wanted to go on into the apartment and I said yes for I knew if I had to make one more stop they would have to literally drag me into the apartment and onto the bed.
After that me and my son had it out on the IHOP parking lot thanksgiving and I moved out the next week before he was taken to jail for either beating my to a bloody pulp or killing me. I keep in contact with my son since then. I was hurt beyond belief and in shock that it had come to that. I could have easily closed the door between us because of it but I know deep down that I had to make the first move towards reconciliation.
I let him know that I loved and forgave him. That I had no intention of living his life for him. I let him know that I did not desire to see him hurt as to why I tried giving him advice as parents and friends need to do. For if we do not try I believe Jesus will hold us individually accountable for not doing so.
It is like not giving the gospel freely to all their blood will be held accountable to us if they die in their sins because we failed to obey and let them know of the freedom we have obtained by and through Him. Do I blame my son for his attack? Yes, and no. I know he could have controlled himself but I know when you suffer internal road rage and do not deal with it comes out in inappropriate ways. We were together Thursday with his roommate and ate dinner together. He is finding it much easier to be around and with me. Knowing I cannot and will not interfere in his life.
No, that I like most mothers won't give advice asked for or not. As of this time am still without work and having to contemplate moving back with my parents and trying to give ourselves a brand new start. I had much of the same relationship with my mother as my son had with me with the exception I did not physically abuse them or destroy things. I can look back and see that my mother did the best she could and was not in more ways than one not trying to run my life but guide me through rough times in my life that I did not have to go through. I have because of my past anger, frustrations, fear and hurt gave my mother a royal treatment of being a terrible parent out for her own good.
Yes, there is some truth in trying to live our lives through our children that we failed to do in our own lives. I am in my own way guilty of it but not 100% guilty. Do not know the percentage and don't really care what it is. I do not claim that everyone does this to any degree cause I don't know. Thank you for this opportunity to let the world know life is great even when you are down on the ground rolling and fighting your deepest darkest depression. Continue the fight for the freedom is there. You will find the answers you need in your darkest hour and the freedom to get going with this fantastic life you been freely given. Love you all and God bless you and those you touch in the physical and spiritual worlds. For you can and will touch multiple thousands by what you say and the actions that you project.
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Warrior Paula
blessedncrazy@yahoo.com
Warrior Nicole’s Testimony:
I was raised in a Pentecostal home where my father was the minister of that church for 15 years. I did not have a good home life at all. By the time I was in second grade, my father started abusing me. It started with any little thing that happened at school, (even if I told the truth) my dad would beat me until I couldn't set down. The first time it happened I showed my mother and she let out a big sigh, like she couldn't believe, my dad beat me that bad. I thought she was going to help me. But she just stated that if I started being good it wouldn't happen. So the beatings continued.
When I was seven I had to go to the hospital and have my tonsils removed. When I came home that, night my father molested me. Said I was his little angel. This kind of treatment went on and on. By the time I was 12 I was pregnant by my father. I tried to reach out for help. However, my father being an upstanding minister in the community, no one believed me. My parents then began putting me in mental hospitals and made me get shock treatments. Said this would help me get better.
Well it didn't. By the time I was 16 I had 3 children from my father. I had had enough. I left home with my babies and went out on my own. It wasn't long until I met a real neat guy and married him. After I married him I found out he was a warlock in a satanic occult. He started me out slow. First he taught me how to play Dungeons and Dragons, then after a while he taught me how to bring the spells etc out into reality. Then he finally convinced me to join them. I could get revenge on my father without anyone ever knowing who was doing it and I could never get in trouble for it.
Well needless to say I joined and became very happy there. God had given me the gift of discernment as a child and I began to use it for the enemy. I became a well known medium in the are fast. I made lots of money fast. I thought this was life and it was great. As time went on I started noticing things. I started noticing first that the coven I was in was sacrificing animals. I didn't really care though so I just turned my head. I had my own kids to raise so I wasn't made to go to these kinds of events. I had brought the coven enough publicity that they were grateful. Well not too long after that I got wind that they were sacrificing babies. Again, I turned my back. But a few years after that one of my best friends in the group which was also my gate-keeper in seances came to me and told me they were going to sacrifice one of her little ones and would I help her. I did. At that time, I left the group. This was in 1998. I had been in this coven for 12 years.
Well the only bad thing about that was that I had eight children there in the coven that lived on the grounds. We had them to teach them early and train them of our ways. I had a 8 year old female at home that was my ex’s that didn't live there. Well I did what I thought was a real smart thing. When I had all my kids on a weekend, I took off. I left the state with all my kids. I didn't want anything to do with Christianity though at the time, just wanted out of the occult.
Well needless to say they were following me. All the time. They ended up getting all the kids back except for two. My little girl and one of the boys. After this, I finally made a decision to turn my life over to God. Five years later I still have two children and a beautiful relationship with God and a very godly man. I have done much healing. Although my life has been hard and rough, I wouldn't change anything. I tell God each day to never let me forget where I come from because I would always remember that Jesus sets the captives free! Now I can help other people and know just want they need to heal and walk with God. God is indeed good!
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Nicole
Hi Shane and Jodie, I wanted to send you my Testimony:
My name is Kim, I am now 38 years old . I want to tell you a story about my life with the hopes that it will draw you to know the peace I have found in Jesus.
I was raised in a household where alcohol was always present. I did not have a "NORMAL" childhood. I spent most of my childhood hiding from my feelings through drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence. I never felt "worthy", which was a reflection of the constant verbal abuse I experienced as a child. To escape from things,and to feel better about myself, I started to smoke pot at the age of 11 and was eventually a pill freak by the age of 12. I even got very drunk for the first time around the age of 12.
I tried to fit in by becoming very active in band, playing the flute and the piano. I also played on the girls softball team, which was my favorite because I could vent my frustrations on the field. I tried as hard as I could to get really good at it, because this seemed to be at least the "one" thing I did that my dad did take notice of. I was always trying hard for him to love me and show me his attention.
Around the age of 13, I was diagnosed with Insulin-dependant diabetes. Which really didn't help matters. As I had what seemed to be an ugly duckling life. I spent years of school being picked on by all the other kids because I was different from them. They called me all sorts of names. I went through this time virtually alone as I had no-one to run to. Around the 10th grade, alot of the kids started doing the drugs and alcohol scene just like I was. So, my "habits" seemed to have changed their opinion of me. It was then, that I sort of started being popular with the guys, but because of all the things in my past I did not trust anyone. I was not capable of having a real relationship with anyone because of the way I was abused by the kids and my Dad.
My "partying" continued and followed me for a few years into my 20's. By the time I was 21, I was smoking about an ounce of pot each week, and would snort approximately an eight ball of coke. I would take a fifth of Jack Daniels in one hand and a Beer in the other and start drinking. When the beer was gone so was the whiskey or whatever else was around. I do not remember most of my college years, because I was always high or drunk. I have, done many different types of drug's (shrooms,acid,.....) however, I would not do anything that goes in a needle (besides my insulin),crack,LSD, and what they now refer to as the "newer" drugs of today. I look back on it now and it all stopped, suddenly. I want you to know that I never wanted anything from God. One night while at a Fraternity party (I use to spend most of my time at the Fraternity houses).
I was sitting there and these girls that I had a problem with concerning a certain guy. When I saw them I knew that something bad was going to happen. It was really late and I was real tired (I was out of it any way because of all the pot I had smoked and whatever else I was doing that night), every one was gone except about five or six people and myself ( from what I can remember anyway) Anyway, I was laying on the couch, in a daze and all of a sudden these girls started surrounding me. So I tried to stand up, and my vision was blurry, I was dizzy and fell to the floor. I started to get up and someone kicked me in the face! And all this time, I could remember thinking to my self... I can't fight back...
I can't even stand up! But that's not the crazy part, the crazy thing was I did not feel a thing...GLORY! Here, these people were punching and kicking me with all they had and I didnt feel it! But they kept on hitting me and kicking me for what I would say was a long time while I just stayed on the floor. At that moment , all I could think of doing, was to just call out to God to help me get out of this. So I got to my feet and covered my hands over my face, and I began to just pray to God (little did I know he was all ready helping me, people always cry out to God when they are backed up against the wall, don't they?). So see as I was in the world, doing all this partying, with all this sin in my life... God was keeping me safe... GLORY TO GOD, THANK YOU JESUS!!! (But, at the time, I still didn't even realize it)
I got to my feet, and covered my hands over my face, and just began to think about God. Then... as I was about to fall again from being dizzy, I heard a loud Crash and a big ringing in my ears... but I still couldnt feel anything. I was out like a light! Then about five min or so afterwards, I woke up, and when I did, I could see straight again. That's when I felt my head, and it was covered in blood. All I could think was I'm ok! I went outside and my so called friend came up to me and said, they hit you with a beer bottle and your still standing. That was the crash I heard and why I was bleeding so bad! It was around 5 in the morning, by the time we got to a friends house and she let us in. She asked... If I was okay and I said, it's alright I'm ok. While in her bathroom I started thinking... maaan,am I lucky. Then I don't know why, but I realized that while this had all been going on I had called out to God. For some reason I knew that God was talking to me, cause I had this comfort feeling over me...it was weird! I stayed there that night and when I woke up my head was killing me. I again had thoughts about God. Then I heard the spirit of the Lord say to me... WHY DIDN'T YOU GET RIGHT WITH ME . But all I kept thinking was this wasnt happening.
By the time I was 23, I had FINALLY kicked the 'old' partying habits, I guess looking back at it now, it was truly a miracle. I just slowly turned away from it all and regained focus on other issues of my life, and realized what a toil it was doing to my medical condition. Being an insulin dependant diabetic is hard enough without all the 'extra's' I was inducing on my body. You see God had been working in my life so much but, I was just so blind I didn't realize it, one time I was hitchhiking somewhere and a car stopped to pick me up, I had hitchhiked for years. On this particular day it was hot, I was sooo tired and a car had stopped it was a small car, there were two guys in the front and one in the back. They were drinking, and saying get in, baby. I had just put my hand on the door handle when all of a sudden a car pulled up in front of that car and instead of getting into the smaller car , I just ran to the other one. It was a nice older couple and I didn't know then how they knew, but when I got in the back seat, the lady turned and looked at me and said she sure was glad I hadn't gotten into that car.
On that same exact night, I had what I thought at the time was a dream. However, Now I know God had come to me. The visit couldn't have lasted for more than a minute. I was standing beside a well with a man, but I could not see his face because I was standing on the other side of the well and the roof of the well hid his face. But somehow, I knew he loved me. The kind of love like if you are standing across a room of 100 and your eyes meet, YOU can see the love in the eyes. Then, I wish I knew the words to explain this part better, but there ARE no words to describe the magnitude of what I felt. This feeling washed over me. Poured out on me. Overwhelming, overpowering love. It was.....the biggest, deepest, most emotional feeling I had ever felt. It was so strong that I felt it when he left. I sat straight up in bed, in the pitch dark, looked around and saw where I was and I just cried. I went into the living room and rocked and cried and rocked and cried. Soooo lonely, the lonliness was just so overbearing.
Throughout the years, I just stayed in a state of denial. I was so far away from the Lord that I even experimented with Witchcraft. My experimentation became a lifestyle. I used Tarot cards on a daily basis, I had an altar where I lit special candles and I even used the ouija board. Do not be fooled like I was into thinking that people who have passed on are the ones talking to you. That is not it at all. You will come face to face with satan himself because he will be the one talking to you. He will tell you lie after lie and convince you that you are talking to a dead family member or some wise person whose passed away long ago. Using the ouija quickly became an addiction. I would spend about eight hours per week in DIRECT contact with the devil. After awhile I started to experience strange things. For example: In the middle of the night I would awaken by the sound of someone running down the hallway and opening or slamming the front door. I would get up to check it out, but there was nothing to see. There were times when I would hear someone walking up my bedroom steps and walking across my floor towards me in bed. I would turn around, but no one was there. I would lie in bed and feel the entire bed shake as if it were pushed. Shadows would move across my walls when there was nothing to cast a shadow. A lamp that sat securely on a table one time while with friends catapulted and caused the curtains to catch fire. Also, one time while I was still in college a group of us were 'playing' with the ouji board, and a friend of mine was possessed, she started to bash her head against the floor, her body was uncontrollable, she spoke in a 'guttered' voice,... it was so bad, the RA of our dorm called 911, and the men in the white jackets came for her .. I am NOT joking !!!!!!!!! In reflection of this event the College,.. SUNY Platsburgh, made a campus policy that forbid the use of ouiji boards in dorms because of the situation. These were just the beginnings of more terrifying things that were yet to come.
You may be saying to yourself right now, why didnt you just turn to the Lord. It is because I really didn't know how. At this point my mind was not my own. You see, by stepping into the devils playground I unknowingly gave him permission to control me. I was terrified. I was afraid to go to bed because I was tormented every night. I would get up during the night to use the bathroom and I would feel something walking behind me or hovering over me. I actually know what the presence of evil feels like. If there is a bad spirit around me every hair on my body stands on end. I would hear distant whispers, as if a TV or radio or something was on in the distance... while I was the only person in the house. I would cry out in "desperation" to God, not with my heart but in a plea for help(that's what people do when they don't have faith but are grabing at straws !!)
Then, after many cries to God, I started to notice this odd whoosh feeling that would come and go at times, it would start in the pit of my stomach and move straight up my body. It felt like the going down feeling on a roller coaster. This started happening more frequently and at time grew more intense to the point where it would take my breath away. This was a major turning point in my situation. This feeling had gone on for a few years. After that, changes started to quickly take place. I would be in my car when I suddenly had the unquenchable desire to listen to Christian music. As the music was playing I looked over at my Tarot cards and I just could not stand to see them. Something big was happening in me that I did not yet understand. I had such an urge to get rid of every occultic thing I had and that is exactly what I did !!!!!!! As stubborn as I was, I STILL didn't get it.
It wasn't until years later when I was lonely, insecure, hurting, depressed, confused, haunted by childhood abuse, several 'chronic' illnesses (high blood pressure, insulin diabetes, insulin pump, diabetic retnopathy,neuropathy,sleep apnea,...) violent, sometimes suicidal; a past drunk, past drug abuser, a liar and, although married to a man who loved me, I was still 'empty'... and then I met JESUS!
You see, I began to realize that I thought very differently from most of my peers-- I was always questioning everything -- I was searching for truth, or at least some authenticity-- and wouldn't take "I don't know," for an answer. I abhored conformity, and my endless questions. I was very altruistic and had my own moral code, always siding with the underdog-- although my "morals" were based on nothing and even I could not live up to them.
As the years of my early 20s unfolded, with no direction or purpose in life, my life spiraled downward, and, while trying to ease the pain, I quit College and became involved in the things that I previously mentioned. I felt oppressed by my small town and my past, and dreamed of moving as far away as I could. In my despair I would study and try every kind of religion...
I had wanted so badly to believe there was a reason for my being here, and I had searched for God, or any kind of truth, for years. I was trying to fill a "void" in my heart, but, I just didn't know how to fill that 'void'. I was still haunted by my abusive past, being chronically depressed, promiscuous, drinking too much, prone to fits of rage, and at times very suicidal. The funny thing is, by the world's standards I should have been really happy, I was married, had two stepdaughters, a house of my own.. etc.etc. All of my dreams were slowly coming true-- yet everything was meaningless to me, and I was miserable.
I knew I needed to change or to die, so I tried to help myself through therapy, religions , psychiatric drugs, you name it. But things only worsened... Then there was a man in my office who gave me a Christmas card. He was a very nice guy, and somewhat different from his peers; he had a quiet peacefulness about him. Now, this card was pretty "Christian-ey," which very frankly didn't not sit too well with me, but I asked him about it anyway, thinking maybe he had a "higher power" that I could relate to. However, much to my dismay, he told me he was a born-again Christian! I was immediately "offended." First thought's I had was that I couldn't stand "born-again Christians"! Afterall, weren't they the guys on TV with those Southern accents always crying for money? I asked him if he actually believed the Bible, etc. He must have thought I was really interested, because he asked me to have lunch with him.
In the cafeteria, he shared with me a booklet called "Four Spiritual Laws". I was immediately offended-- "Who does this guy think he is, telling me I'm a 'sinner'?" I thought, "He doesn't even know me! I'm truely a good person, I would never hurt anybody" I couldn't see my need for a Saviour (!!!). God's entire plan of salvation went right over my head...
"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (Romans 3:22-24)
He was such a nice guy, though, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings; although I thought he was completely nuts, or stupid. We finally got to the end of this booklet and he asked me to pray with him, to invite Jesus to be the Lord of my life. I told him No, thank you-- to be honest, you're making me very uncomfortable. He replied, Kim, right now satan is fighting for your soul! Well, with that remark I was convinced he was crazy, so just to appease him, I "pretended" to pray with him. He was thrilled, had a smile on his face that was a mile long, he also gave me a New Testament to take home. He wanted me to read the Gospel of John, and to also share it with my husband.
That night the book sat on my bedside table, just staring at me. I thought, "Well-- I've studied everything from the Koran to the Catechism of the Roman Catholic Church to the Saxon Book of Shadows (Wicca)-- I may as well take a peek..." As I read the beautiful book of John, the Holy Spirit began to melt my heart. At first I thought, "Wow-- Jesus was so cool, He was not at all how I perceived Him..." Of course, I didn't believe yet, but I was growing to love Jesus as a person. I was excited by what I was reading-- how Jesus showed love and mercy to the hurting and downtrodden, and how He stood up against the hypocrisy of the religious hierarchy of His day-- and I just kept reading, I even started to skip around the other Gospels. The Bible was unlike any other "holy book" I had studied. I really started to enjoy reading it.
I later heard somebody say "religion" is all about man reaching up to God; but Christianity is all about God reaching down to man. That's what I was beginning to understand from reading the Bible. I had just read Luke 8:42-48, where a woman was suffering from a hemorrhage for twelve years, but no one could heal her. It struck me how her faith was so great, she believed if she could just touch Jesus' garment, that she would be healed. Well she did, and she was! Jesus said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." Before I could talk myself out of it, I found myself praying, "Jesus, if you are truly God, please show me by taking the pain away from me so I can get one good night's sleep." (Sleep was tough for me, always in agony from my nueropathy)
Well, the pain left me instantly. I was undone! I had prayed to must be dozens of gods in the past, but none of them actually answered me!!! Yet, I was still unconvinced (!!!). I thought surely I must be imagining it. So for a couple more nights, I would try it again each time-- the pain left me. I wish I had written it all down so I would know the exact dates, but after a few nights like that I realized, "There IS a God! Then I found myself thinking, I am not right with Him!!!"
Then one Christmas Eve, I was in my car alone, I had this sudden urge to put on a Christian station,.. as I was driving, all these emotions just came over me... I cant express it in words,... it was then that I pulled the car when there was a minister speaking about salvation .. I quickly scrambled for my purse, filed through all the papers and junk, and finally found the crumpled up booklet that the man from work had given me; I then smoothed it out, got down on my knees, right there in the car and asked the Lord Jesus into my heart and my life.
At first, I didn't understand much, especially how much sin that I had become involved in! But over the following days and weeks my eyes were opened-- and I was completely transformed. I can't even describe it. I became a completely different person-- an entirely new person! I left my house that Christmas eve as one person and returned completely new!!!!!!!! The first thing I remember saying to my husband when I returned to the house was ,.. tomorrow we have to go to the bookstore I need to buy a Bible.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I had met the true, living God of the universe! My search was over. My sins were forgiven. My heart, once filled with hatred, was now filled with peace and joy. God has helped me to show love to my abusers, and others who had hurt me. God also helped me to ask forgiveness from those whom I had hurt. I was finally at rest...
I was by no means made perfect, and I have grown alot over time, but I can tell you that when I accepted Jesus, these huge chains that hung around my neck were just suddenly lifted-- poof! I tried to explain to my family and husband, what Jesus had done for me, but everyone thinks or thought I was crazy that I had finally, indeed, lost my mind. However, the truth was or is, I had found it, in Jesus!
"When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind..." (Mark 5:15)
Where did I go from there? Well, I had had enough of doing things my way! Where had that ever gotten me? So I decided to let GOD show me how to live, and I began prayerfully studying His revelation to us-- the Bible. At first, this was a scary idea to me. I was accustomed to running my own show, yet I knew it was now time to let God take over. I didn't become a Christian because I "agreed with" the Bible-- I became a Christian because God proved to me that He is real; and when I discovered that God is real, and that He has something to say, I had to admit that it was my own thinking that was in error-- not the Bible! God created the whole universe-- so I know it's safe to put my life in His hands! His Word to us, the Bible, is like our "owner's manual"-- He created us, and He knows how we best "operate"!!! I may not always understand God's ways, but it brings me peace to know they are the right and true ways...
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)
"...He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion..." (Philippians 1:6)
As I yield to His Holy Spirit's leading in my life, and obey Him, God is continually transforming me into the person He created me to be! Yippee!!! "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)
I'm sharing this because I know there are a lot of people out there who have been through the same thing and many of you have nobody to talk to about it. I have shared my experience with others and most of them have run the other way. I made up my mind that when I finally got through this I would never turn away from anyone in this situation. I know what it feels like to be scared and alone. I'm here to tell you you're NOT alone in this. There is a way out and there is a God! If you would like to know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior please read on. God says in order to go to heaven you must be born again. In John 3:7, Jesus said to Nicodemus, Ye must be born again. In the Bible God gives us the plan of how to be born again which means to be saved. His plan is simple! You can be saved today. First, you must realize you are.
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Kim